Day 324

there it goes... the last day in fernie.

as of eleven a.m. we were out out our house- that old, familiar inferior structure. being removed from it is exciting. swede and i moved our remaining food and possessions to the snowboarders for christ house. that's where i sit right now, tonight, and for the remaining night, writing this last post in this town.

ian and i went out for dinner at the fernie pub. buffalo burgers. some of his construction mates, including one of the head guys who incredibly remembered me calling him in october looking for work, sat around telling tales in the corner of the brick and windows. after that a bunch of us went to the theater for discount movie night. it was some canadian flick about some guy breaking away on a motorcycle and the most exciting part was the scene at the very surf shop in tofino that our road trip crew had gone to and rented from way back in may. the exact same place. i have pictures there. that was exciting.

we don't seem too hung up on goodbyes. many people are leaving and i'll see some of these friends again either on this continent or in their own homeland. those i never do meet again will meld into the positive and life changing memories that the past five months in this little ski town have become. the mountains that had grown so familiar loom, never to be touched again, by one less free spirited carver. at least not this season. now, and from any point in town, i can recognize and point out the different cliffs and lifts and bowls on the near horizon that had once been an unknown, indescribable rock face back in the autumn. yes, i'll miss this mountain as well. i've never known one so well before.

the sfc house is right across the street from the train tracks and a familiar, now louder, howl is echoing and rumbling outside the window this very second. there goes the last enchanting army of midnight coal trains. i can see their light through this dark window.

so here it is. my remaining friends have all gone to their places across town and i'm here for a clean break and to try to sum up five months in a brand new place that turned out to feel just as home as anywhere else i've ever known.

community. faith. inspiration. adventure. they're all here. living, breathing people. life. tomorrow i'll meet chris at mug shots for breakfast. then i'll meet another friend and together we'll leave town.

here are the remaining, now achieved, 'i would' statements drafted blindly over a year and a half ago. it's almost too much to believe that they've all come true.


i would...

drink green tea
become everything that people wouldn't let me grow up as
start over

i would play more music
write more songs
ride a bike
walk places
watch the sunset from my front porch
go to coffee shops
delete most if not all of the false 'friends' from facebook
trust
revive
take advantage of the knowledge of those around me
invest more in those around me
build a new life
make new friends
be friends with chill people

i would be happy

love
feel
laugh
smile
be someone i could be proud of 100% of the time

i would feel a great sense of ease

ask people what they want most in life
maybe help them find what that was
help me understand what i need most in life that i wasn't getting in rockford
help people who need help
love people who need love


i would redefine spirituality and the way it had so often manipulated the perspective of my appearances to people rather than the influence it had on life and people itself

i would lower my expectations for the typical life of searching for ultimate stability, comfort, and self-anhilation.

i would have fun

set higher standards
achieve these goals
have adventure
relax
chill
redefine life
have peace
have balance

i would feel free, completely fresh and free, where no one [would at first] know my name.

i would know i was free.

i would be free.