Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Day 290

i'm feeling the pressures of growing up right now. there are some new decisions to make. here's the update.

our crew's plan was to stay in fernie until the end of april. recently a couple of the kiwi guys acquired difficult visas to enable them to work in the states for a year. they've watched california films and, even though they haven't been in a city as big as l.a., they're eager to head to orange county with hopes to get situated with some loving christian family who will let them stay at their house while the boys work roofing and longboard the coast. basic california dreaming etc.

australian adam was always meant to leave at the end of march and jon the swede, usually just called 'swede', is staying until mid april but is leaning towards leaving fernie a bit earlier in order to travel canada before flying back to sweden. tim is already gone as of twenty days ago and canadian tyler and i would be the only two remaining for april. tyler's mom has been battling cancer for the past year in vancouver and he's only been able to visit a couple times since summer at camp and his sfc internship here in fernie and he wants to go home for a bit before going back to work another summer at qwanoes.

you know my story. i'm really overall flexible but, to be honest, i'm feeling the pressures of knowing that i need to start paying my parents back for health insurance costs. jeep. some nights that shadowy insecurity of 'career' or 'the next five years' creep and howl in the rumblegush of the logging trucks that swhoosh across the soggy highway. i'm not concerned usually; most times i lay in the dark and hear the blacktop artery and consider this amazing situation of blessings and friends. above all that i don't want to just wander in order to try to keep the adventure and inspiration and freedom of this life. but, above even that, i've gotten well used to not relying on my own limited perspective of the horizon. faith.

i was talking with pastor shawn yesterday as i cleaned church. the creative assistant internship is still available but a particular government grant stipulates the funding be for an intern working the sandwich months between a spring and autumn college semester. the jury is still out to determine if there's another way around that but it seems that we are both eager to have the situation work out one way or another.

old notes and files have brought some quality perspective today as i headed to the organic market to read and think and be still. i was looking at a dated list of 'options' i figured i had for myself created a year ago in the midst of sophomore college baseball season. funny how fernie wasn't on the list. neither was camp- although working at one was on the 'life to-do list.' in a conversation several months ago i remember sharing a few thoughts similar to today's. i told them i was trying to do the right thing and they said, "please do. cause the rest of us are struggling and look up to someone like you."

thanks for the encouragement. i'm still trying. right now i'm just telling how it is on this side.

and finally, our band is heading down to kalispell, montana, this weekend to do some official recordings in a real studio. this is exciting.

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