Day 16

i finished blue like jazz last night. i couldn't really sleep so i sat out in the hall and finished the last chapter as 2 am rolled around. the ideas and philosophies of this book were like a strong breeze that summoned deeply settled soul-waters to the surface of perception. a few days ago, tim, who's also reading the book, and i were talking about traveling and today in the office amidst editing and listening to various itunesU podcasts, i've considered the validity of this past conversation.

our eventual conclusion was that traveling, especially when used as an identity or intensified purpose for younger persons as ourselves, can be really overrated. seriously. not bad or really negative, but overall overrated. most of us here are an international generation of pilgrims, as it were, enjoy this blowing in the wind, yet i can't imagine why this is. there's a podcast lecture from seattle pacific university that i listened to after lunch and the speaker was talking about christian community and most of his points paralleled well with one of miller's last chapters on the same subject. i wonder where this horizon-staring style of life will lead us, especially in regards to the evolution of community and truly understanding when we've found what we've been looking for. the big picture of dimming international economies seem like quite an unfortunate harmony to the free sound of perception and exploration for the future.

on the other hand, the bit of purposed traveling i've experienced and especially the short amount of time i've had here on the island has opened my eyes to the importance of what you are and what you do rather than who you try to think or show yourself as. the ocean has been a positive influence in this, a natural analogy of its creator as a tangible mirror for a nameless-boundary less and expansive surface that entails uncontrollable power and detail and balance and life.

before getting to the miller chapter that surprisingly deepened my own splashing conception of the acceptance of love, i sat on the pier and considered the difficulty of the struggle to 'be' in certain situations, regardless of how good they've become, because there's an unsettling that exists beneath torpid skin. i've been considering the relevance and roles of the flashing of seemingly good and achievement-oriented opportunities in life and the purpose of their strong twinkle and then sometimes sudden, uncaptured fade. this furthered my understanding that what happens to you is not everything, because if opportunities arrive that allow you to move and to travel then how much better off are you if you hadn't heard of it or felt its energy or if you had just continued to build upon the same life as before, especially if only to bring you to the same conclusion that these modes and purposes of transportation can sometimes really be overrated if heavily relied upon as an ambiguous escape.

i can hear the waters continue to kiss the mountain's feet in the blue and still midnight. i'm finding a place in all this.

i could stand on top of this mountain
and not be free from sin

i could jump into the ocean
and not be clean of it

i could wait for you forever,
as tired as i was
until my eyes were opened
and i could finally accept your
love



nobody heard my calling
and though i barely heard myself

you came to rescue me
right before i fell

i could wait for you forever
as tired as i was
until my eyes were opened
and i could finally accept your
love



i don't understand desire
if only to fool this soul

who keeps the vindication
that every breath must know

i could wait for your forever
as tired as i was
of feeling dry until i remembered
to fall into your flood

i could wait for you forever
as tired as i was
until my eyes were opened
and i could finally accept your
love