Saturday, April 18, 2009

Day 342

do you ever wonder why this silly blog has been posted daily for nearly a year?

i do.

and i've been re-asking and rethinking this question again the past few days. it has almost been a year. maybe you've entertained possible explanations such as reckless narcissism. maybe loneliness. i wonder this even because never did i expect the adventure to go this far and last this long. but it has and its been so good. and through it i have an answer for why this silly blog has been posted daily for nearly a year.

one minor explanation can be summed by the words of my most favorite person that i've never met.

"happiness only real when shared" christopher mccandless

but that's only a small part of it.

bits of this feeling were only an early prequel for the rest of this day. when i jotted those first lines after getting inside from camping last night i had no idea that so much more would happen. it was a graduation for twenty-seven, full-time Bible college/adventuresome students here. my friend eric is one of them. i'm just here for the last couple days but you feel the momentum in this place by the way the people speak and be. their knowledge is their life. and they're already living it well.

one of their profs spoke at the ceremony. in his native polish accent he described his discontent with the church and the 'what can your church do for me attitude.' he talked about wal mart and their world wide factories that employ the poor and then increase demand and lower wages so that while we in north america save a quarter on a price rollback the poor workers are left in a catch twenty-two they must continue to fulfill in order to feed their families.

in the books the cult of the amateur, keen carries the same approach of increasing consumerism and the self destruction of economy through the massive growth and disruption of a professional world through its cheapened, online nemesis's. he says too many people will read some blog for news instead of relying on some trained journalist. read the book. i can't explain it well at all. what did stick in my mind strongest were his points regarding the incessant increase of a generation seeking 'self expression.' 'self expression about what?' i wondered as i turned through the pages of the first two chapters of the little orange book. what do twenty-somethings have to be self-expressive about? chuck klosterman summarizes this kind of consumer-oriented black hole as people who trying harder to be cool than they are at anything else. and these people often slack on pursuing something of meaning. vision. the internet and consumeristic philosophy allows us to write countless, unchecked wikipedia entries and order nearly anything we desire in a few second's time via and the like.

i don't think i've ever gone this serious before and there's good reason. it all hasn't connected until today.

it had started too a while back and i stopped buying from wal mart months ago. same for starbucks, although i don't know what they're up to. i just don't like the prices.

on thursday night eric and i stood in the porch light of the lodge here and talked about the past eight or so months we've had. we didn't have to go too deep. there isn't a rush for that. but he talked about being in india and experiencing the mutual human feeling and their interactions with the poor villagers who are both actively rejecting and seeking a Greater aspect. i could identify with that in a polar parallel kind of way. i've found perspective and even inspiration to be most muddled when i've had more than enough comfort or outer influences. distractions. t.v. a generation seeking cool. they're all around. consumerism.

and the polish professor that talked tonight kept going and after he was finished nobody clapped. nobody moved except for the kaleo leader who was meant to give the next address. even she couldn't, and didn't speak. i think the idea of modern day super church life and consumerism and regulated and selfish spirituality had cut into every heart in the room. in a way i wish the words were literal, like a scratch, so that i could look back down at it and remember its turns and see its depth. but they were just words and people were moved in their souls and i can only imagine what it would have felt like to be a graduate at the point of his charge.

there were some awards for the class. eric got the christian leadership one. everyone, everywhere likes this guy and for such good reason. because of this i know that i'm only one of many who consider him as one of my best friends. i was proud of him.

so do you ever wonder why this silly blog has been posted daily for nearly a year? it's because of today. it's taken three hundred and fourty-two days to get here where all these silly thoughts and self described actions have crumbled because of the uniting of visions and words and feelings and choices during all this. i'm sorry that i can't do a better job to explain. there's so much to be summed up. but i've found a vision that's suddenly grown whole in my mind. it's more than sharing happiness and adventure and it's so much less than trying to find these things in an own-everything lifestyle.

it's because of these adventures and delights and inspirations that i've come to see and hear today the massive effect of the places and people i know and have passed through and can in my heart better understand in a way that is stoking my faith and desire for proper spirituality and life.

so thanks again for reading this. even today some qwanoes staff have come up and told me that they still read this and i'm blown away. i'm thankful. thank you. man, i just did a re-read and i hope this makes sense. by the way we leave camp tomorrow.


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