Monday, December 15, 2008

Day 218

i assembled a four man team for last night's 'name that tune' weekly competition. there were about six other teams and, after a good time by all, our team ended up winning it all.

camp seems like ages ago. it sometimes comes up in conversations around the house- why wouldn't it, we met each other there- but there's also a strong understanding that this is a totally different life. sure, our relationships started during the close work at camp, but life is different and is supposed to be back to normal now and we don't reminisce too much. i like this new normal.

i've spent this sub-zero evening looking at some more old emails and saved text files. there were letters trying to explain all this that i didn't quite understand to my parents. there were messages from friends.

there was that 'i would' list from almost a year ago now. i haven't opened it since day 121, but i have again tonight. unbelievably, almost, more of these long standing bullets have since been realized. i'm kind of typing as i go and switching over to compare the list and then switch back to type here.

i would play more music
write more songs
ride a bike
walk places
watch the sunset from my front porch
go to coffee shops

i would ask people what they want most in life
i would ask their stories
help people who need help

i would redefine spirituality and the way it had so often manipulated the perspective of my appearances to people rather than the influence it had on life itself

i would stop pretending i was happy and okay with situations that tore me apart
i would lower my expectations for the typical life of searching for ultimate stability, comfort, and self-anhilation

i would have fun
set standards
achieve goals
have adventure
redefine life
have peace
have balance

i would feel free. completely fresh and free.
i would know i was free.
i would be free.

i would has become i am

No comments: