Day 215

it's been good to talk with a visiting friend from the summer at camp and to reflect.

i got a message today in a belated birthday card that quoted a proverbs verse. ''trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledging him and he will make your paths straight.''

it seems that i'd always gleaned the first part about how i couldn't handle all these human decisions and that God was trustworthy enough to make me aware enough to want to repeat sincere prayers for direction and peace and purpose in the current state of life. still i'd feel that i'd be left hoping that one undetermined day, tomorrow would be vaulted ahead in a dozen, quick rotations and a sticky today would finally be put deep in the fading stack of yesterdays. like rolling to land on a shoot. a ladder. a lotto ticket. a brand new relationship.

then i wonder about, in this petition and waiting, how the question of 'bad things happening to good people' is the first, fiery front for people who feel short-changed or betrayed in tragedy or turbulence. maybe karma is the catcall of a false start- almost like people started to try to make decisions for themselves on how they were meant to be treated. God even says that he doesn't take pleasure in the death of the wicked. then ezekiel 18:25 "yet you say, 'the way of the Lord is not right.' hear now, o house of israel! is my way not right? is it not your ways that are not right?"

ways.

its in the second part of the proverbs verse too.

ways.

i'm persuaded by the instructions of trust and faith and acknowledgment. i'm here today because of God's provisions and preparations. not plans. and it has been very good.

and i'm convinced and inspired that maybe life isn't supposed to be all planned out. how can so many accept and expect the same blueprint.

i don't think i've ever been as ready and willing to let these paths continue to be straightened. i don't feel like i'm holding a magnifying glass to my feet anymore.

tim and i were talking about the pressures of relationships last week and i remember wondering if its just not easier to stop looking for the final, conclusive piece of the puzzle as if it was going to be revealed as one big answer for the previous million little building blocks that were natural and part of the journey. no decision or change is really made in one piece.

all these little ways. acknowledging. straightened paths. i hope i'm thinking clearly because i was looking and thinking for something more than just noting some of the day's happenings.

they were good too, however. today had the biggest snowfall yet. i think it's even safe to call it the first permanent snow because the main streets are still covered in white and the streetlights outside the big kitchen window have been hanging their head over a constant flow beneath their auras for many hours.

church did an outdoor, christmas music concert in the streets downtown tonight and i was asked to do video. i put a rain shield on the camera. wanderers stopped and huddled next to the tea house to hear the live music and snow and wind and music filled the streets. the soft, reflecting light was good and i'm looking forward to editing the footage.

tomorrow is a big day. the hill officially- and finally- opens. multiple groups of out-of-town friends are here for the weekend. our band's first, big show is at night. here we go.