Day 304

there's a second half to the poem at the top of this page. the latter section is a little different but maybe it just has two parts, i don't know. it's just the way it came out.

"to be free"

inspired by c.j.m.


bring to the shore the power of the ocean to forgive this mind of a selfish life

stand beneath the shadow of a mountain to be made small apart from my spiraling stride

bind these eyes with the eternal darkness that only stars of midnight give

shine through the wild with the deepest silence that man himself barely lets live


show me the beauty thats been twisted up in a lie

let unravel her mystery, breathing warmth from the sky

lift up my vision higher than your blind ever sees

give me the life, to be free, that few longer believe.



today was spent with some friends as we made burritos and chilled at the coffee shop and then in the sun on the mountain-facing front porch of our house. gazing at the blue mountains in the golden afternoon reminded me of that second line. that's why i'm posting the entire thing tonight.

Day 174

i've been in correspondence with a traveler who is familiar with and involved with chris mccandless's family.

i officially started my janitor job at the church today. key and code, i entered, did my business, logged my labor time, and happened to lose the next few, quick hours playing their new baby grand. this is sweet. i did happen to find a mysterious stairwell that houses hundreds and hundreds of buzzing, trapped flies. i don't think many people go into that place. one of the ladies of the church happened to stop by while i was there with pizza, so she gave me a free lunch and a bag of chips.

we went to a hockey game in town tonight. there's a juniors league of twentyish aged, nhl hopefuls and the competition is a huge source of entertainment for a ski-town. they even fight, which for the majority of hockey spectators who regardlessly admit or deny it, is a huge incentive to go to a game.

finally, in replying to an email from a friend from high school and trying to summarize the high points and events of the past few months, i'm honestly able to fully respond  to the question that i think i am living the dream. it's not america's dream because i don't have much money, but i have good friends, a desire for deeper spirituality, and a simplified lifestyle that's opened my eyes to a new way of living and thinking and feeling. it's so life-provoking in itself to be able to finally live this way through faith and being excited about God's plan. i know that might sound selfish now, and i understand that his plan might lead some other way some day, but through all this, i'm discovering what it might take to be able to follow it then as well.

Day 168

today has been huge. huge. huge.

but first,

we woke up in montana and went to church in a surprisingly populated town- in montana. who knew. the church is only a couple years old but apparently has been growing rapidly and is now held in a sweet, former movie theater. it's sweet and their sermon titles and weekly activities are designed as movie posters that fill the display boxes outside. we sat in the balcony of freshlife church and their mannerisms of music and teaching and overall vibe reminded me of imago dei in portland. good place.

adam and i, along with the two guys in the house from church we're living with and a new zealander nate who's crashing here temporarily too, went out to lunch with the friends from last night. afterwards, we all hit up glacier national park and spent the afternoon waiding in the icy streams of glacier runoff and skipped rocks and climbed trees in the crisp and perfectly clear fall sun. we were hippies.


here's the huge part tho.

we left montana late after having dinner with the girls. all the preparations and future of these plans for the winter revolved around tonight's process of getting my work permit on the way back up. i was nervous, considering my success with past border experiences, but felt a strange sort of comfort/excitement in the fact that this border crossing was the same one that chris mccandless passed through after going north from wayne's farm on his way to alaska.

i showed them my papers and janitor job offer from the church but they suspected i needed one other document- one that is very hard to get. i sat in their lobby, spending the minutes praying and playing solitaire on the ipod, all the while feeling an incredible combination of peace and faith. there's nothing better then gratefully understanding that what's about to happen is meant to happen exactly the way it does.

bob marley still happened to be echoing choruses of ''everythings gonna be alright." the song had been stuck in my head for most of the drive back. after over an hour of talking on the phone with the immigration at a different border location and getting a clutch benefit of the doubt concerning an almost detrimental detail of my permit's 'religious organization conditions', i was granted (literally granted as they could have rejected me) a permit and happened to have the necessary cash in my wallet for the fee. i had just enough to pay the $150 canadian and hadn't had that much money in my wallet in months. before leaving, i asked the two night border guards if they'd heard of the movie 'into the wild.' "that was a horrible movie" snapped the female guard. i stifled any sort of opinion-based response and thanked them for everything and left the building with a bigger battle won.

we finally began driving again after almost two hours of waiting and i watched the murky outline of nearby mountains slide against the haze of stars and galaxies. once again, i stand amazed at this path and place in life that's been presented for me. i can't easily remember a time where i've been as happy as i am in this moment.

now, i'm very low on free cash and am going to the vintage clothes store in town tomorrow to sell some of my summer threads. i think that's a win-win situation because i'll be lightening my load and maintaining survival until work starts. i'm selling a kayak setup back home too if you're interested. and a jeep. and i'll soon have photographs available on wallblank.com


overall, i felt something huge tonight. again. faith and trust are more real to me than ever before. this path, this life, and this adventure as been blessed and guided in countless ways.

whatever it is You have me here for, i'm ready.

Day 61

i had a little 'into the wild' moment this afternoon. after finishing editing one section of the dvd and waiting for another sequence's clips to import, i left the office and followed the path behind q-town. this path soon turns into a narrow trail that snakes through dense forests and huge ferns. the trail leads all the way down to the point, but i stopped at about halfway and decided to make a shelter. this must have rekindled some kind of boyish excitement because i spent the next forty-five minutes collecting logs and branches and moss to form and fortify a solid sleeping area between two boulders. the end product was impressively strong and sturdy. i'll probably go back to take some pictures of this later on this summer and maybe even test it out for a night.

i got back to my office and waited the remaining few minutes for the import to finish. we finished editing the dvd before dinner this week. last week's project wasn't done until midnight and it takes an additional four hours to duplicate all the needed copies. although i've learned that it's never safe to feel safe when you think media is going well, i have a feeling we won't be up the entire night this week. we screened the final product and made it to dinner only a few minutes late. i'm going to keep a copy of this edition.

tomorrow they go home. already. reviewing shots from earlier in the week gave us all a sense of amazement in the way that time has begun to speed up as we continue to flow better and better in our work. i really like all this.

Day 59

the number of days is starting to get up there. for the first real time in semi-adult life, i can say that i really like my job and life combination and everything. i'm not going to go into a melodramatic monologue or anything, but i'm glad to be able to say that at least once while still being able to realize the same ideas and philosophies of past pursuit.

exactly a year ago today, i was at an airport and had begun a long flight to australia. i've been in touch with a handful of the seventeen team members lately and its been good to remember and be remembered. hey guys.

this day of camp has been going well although it's only half over. this is the earliest post ever. it was 'wide-eyed and liquified' in the morning so i got the camera housing again and played in the water and went down the huge slip-n-slide with the kids. the juniors don't slide as fast as junior highers, but their enthusiasm is unmatched. the afternoon was spent at the beach getting the remaining shots we need to be able to start to edit the week's dvd.

after deciding to stop by the lodge to drop some stuff off in my room, i ran into the head paramedic, tim. he had just come back from town and had made good on an incredible promise. i went to my room and unwrapped the dairy queen cheeseburger and had a mini thanksgiving atop my bedside cajon. i've saved the second burger for later tonight. camp food is okay but gets old when you're eating the same thing with 300 plus other people.

one of the counselors had a package sent in from her mom. included was the book 'into the wild' which she lent to me while she finishes her week counseling. this reunion of tangible text and the smell of full pages has been sorely missed. i agreed to share any inspiring quotes from the book or from any other searches.


"whoever waits for time to pass loses time" sicilian proverb

"he not busy being born is busy dying" bob dylan

"life is either a daring adventure or nothing" helen keller

"you feel like life is always leading up to something, but it isn't. i mean life is just life. it's all happening right now, and we aren't going to be any more complete a month from now than we are now. i only say this because i am trying to appreciate everything tonight. i will be leaving soon, and i want to feel this, really understand that it is happening because God breathed some spark into some mud that became us, and He did it for a reason, and i want to feel that reason, not some false explaination." --don miller "through painted deserts"

Day 9

family camp ended and people have gone home with their copies of the weekend dvd. there were a ton of positive events that took place in the lives of the people, but it would take a very long time to write it out right now. still its a good feeling.

tonight some of us were stopped by a flat tire on our drive to see the new narnia movie. in turn, we watched 'into the wild' on my computer in the rec office and planned a surf trip to the west coast for tomorrow's day off amidst other deep conversation. talks with people like this make this place feel like a new home.

we've decided leave for the island's west coast in about 4 hrs so i probably won't sleep much tonight. however i'm am pumped beyond words and hope to have some good stories and pictures from tomorrow barring anymore unforeseen flat tires and such.

i've never been so alive.