Day 211

i went to the tea house to read and chill. the old brick building is on a street corner downtown and looks heavy and content- like a distant relative on the couch after christmas dinner; familiar but fresh. i don't know if that's legal punctuation but those ideas needed to stick together.

from inside of the big windows, i admire the front bay and fireplace. no gig today. christmas music fills the atmosphere and i wonder to myself if people really like these classics as much as they seem to say they do. to be honest, i've noticed seasonal songs see a decrease for myself in overall pleasantry each year and bring less fulfillment of a 'christmas spirit', whatever that means, once the tunes have been played for more than two weeks. i remember the tiny, singing shoney bear tree ornament. i did like that music from his plush stomach.

i feel fortunate to know and have a good relationship with the owners of the tea house. today they bring coffee to where i've got bob dylan's chronicles on the table. an internal monologue starts to flow and i scorn the awareness of crafted words that i always fear will never be recovered. 'i pour cream and watch it chase its silky tails into the murk, tripping and rolling over its creamy momentum until all wisps have mysteriously pulled any straggling color beneath the dark surface. then, with a flick of the spoon, the heavy white expands up and i, like an eye in the cosmos, watch the smokey explosion of the liquid mushroom cloud in my cup.'

at the age of twenty-one, i'm sure some friends from high school have company cell phones or starched, tie-requiring internships. others probably work at grocery stores. most are writing papers and studying and taking big tests to sum up their last few months. a semester has vicariously flown by. i'm sitting in canada and describing what it looks like to prepare coffee and reading books about the music that's inspired me to play in this very building and also making a different attempt at faith while wondering what 'moving mountains' really means. maybe that's a little imbalanced, but maybe it isn't. maybe craig kelley was right in that documentary last week when he talked about breaking into the life you're alive in instead of viewing it as an escape from the one you didn't. maybe this is my internship- except with no human boss and a beard instead of a tie. and this blog.

i'm seeing that it's kind of hard to be an individual in the picture of our crew's relationship to the rest of this small town. we have a cool group of foreigners/non-locals in a good location. this isn't a bad thing at all but there's definitely less individuality in overall greater community consideration. that's probably a good thing.

still, that isn't easy for me. it's becoming more natural to be comfortable and attentive in this bigger picture but i know myself and have to take time to wander on my own. sometimes for a season. sometimes for an afternoon. sometimes for a few moments to stir words into coffee and sometimes by trying to remember these thoughts with scribbles in the back leaves of a national bestseller.

Day 210

there's something going on. pastor shawn started telling me about it last night and how it started in portland with imago dei's pastor rick mckinley . how about that link action.

this something is called the advent conspiracy. i highly encourage following that link and watching the video on the right side. i liked the idea and it reminded me of when, at about the age of twelve, our family stopped the gift givingness of christmas. i didn't like it then, but it made sense soon enough. now i like it. simple. real.

now tonight after some afternoon grocery shopping- to get ahead of the typical fernie monday as described in last monday's post- and some beans and rice dinner, i've been looking at information on poets laureate. seems like a cool job.

this is sunday night. the kiwi boys are writing music on guitar in their room down the hall, bob dylan is singing on the ipod deck in the kitchen, and tim is thumbing through a stack of dvds and reading the online synopsis for each as we draw nearer to appointing the chosen one.

Day 209

this is one of those nights. this blog and writing has become pretty natural. but tonight, right now, i'm kind of tired and don't have much to say. i hope that's cool.

the snow melted again. depressing. this is supposed to be the canadian rockies. in winter. december. no one knows what to make of it.

friends came over with a prepared dinner for our house tonight. good times, good people, good work.

and good night.

Day 208

today was a lot like yesterday, but the job interview segment of the afternoon was replaced with hours in the coffee shop reading.

now, tonight after a gig and a sweet jam session at our house with some of the guys, the movie into the wild is playing. tim and i remembered watching the movie way back on the night before day 10 when we were inspired for a surf trip to tofino...

Day 207

i wrapped up the night with a bob dylan medley. the fire was dying in the fireplace next to the keyboard in the front window bay. i noticed that the mop and bucket were leaning against the back wall. simple chords fell on the keyboard and harmonica carried the rest. mr tambourine man is my favorite dylan tune.

there's ultimate satisfaction walking the sidewalk of dark and quiet shops of this ski town with a zip lock of tips and change. rent and food. that's all i need. i went to the grocery store to buy a cookie after the gig and the chick smiled when i dug into the massive sack of coins and fished out enough for the goods.

earlier today, i had an interview at the lodge for a retail position in the gift shop/gear stop in the lobby. mugs and ski goggles. t-shirts and trinkets. we sat near the big windows in the same room as that digital baby grand mentioned before and i answered her questions appropriately about retail experience and subsequent success at 'selling products.' she talked about 'their products' in the shop and i couldn't help but silently wonder who's products they really were. not mine.. not hers..

i answered the rest of the interview and nodded my head at appropriate times but my eyes wandered to the piano a few times as she looked down at her paper to quote schedules and other standard info. they'll call me back on monday. i don't know if i can handle retail again. especially after tonight.

Day 206

scott came by the house today to see if any of us wanted to join a daytrip to calgary. the sleepy fog of a sudden awakening immediately evaporated when a dark flash pushed into the room and began sniffing the contents and clothes on the floor. deano. this is the dog that when brought along on the first roadtrip to montana had left a present on the carpet of our new friend's house seconds after scott had announced that his dog was fully house trained. neither of them have since been allowed to live that moment down. deano....

i decided to stay in town with bob dylan and the other new books and to work on mastering this accordion. you have to be careful when you're learning instruments like harmonica and accordion. there's a potential to lose close friends in the earliest stages but, with time and experience and if you're wise, the two worlds will come together. that's what i've found.

a quote in the dialogue of the book 'car camping' caught my attention this afternoon. "everyone thinks they want to be free but they don't know what freedom is, and if they had it, they'd be terrified. they just want everyone else to think they're free." i remember the painstaking hours in philosophy class semesters ago where a motionless debate between a handful of students spiraled from seeking conclusive answers to floods of instant, fiery opinions. they were trying to answer the majority of discussion questions regarding free will and true freedom. the professor loved the mayhem. i thought it was a waste of time.

i haven't written any papers or entered a classroom in the past few months, but the books and people and places are teaching me more than a midnight essay for the next morning of class.

Day 205

today. snow. finally.

the first significant snowfall of the season started this morning. this continued until most everything was covered in a moderate cover of white although the main streets have since regained their normal colors. people are concerned with the slow coming of the season but continue to assure that good times are ahead.

icy side streets played tricks with a shivering, stiff gait as i walked from janitoring at church to chill at mug shots this afternoon. the white and black striped beanie pressed curled and stiff locks of hair against my upper eyelids like a climber's grip on a cold, rock face. a quick, lazy gesture might pin back the wild tales for a moment but never accomplished enough to hold them before the next icy blast came sweeping down the whitened mountains and over the sidewalks and buildings, pinching and whispering numbness in my eyes.

the coffee shop and friends inside are the regular place to spend the few remaining unemployed days with this new collection of books.

also, while jamming together around the house, i admit that this accordion is one of the greatest investments i've made.

it's really cool too that people often stop by and come in the house throughout the day. we had some good chills today and might be taking on an extra roommate.


i heard once that if you do something for about twenty days straight, it will be come a habit. hmm. times ten. this blog deal seems all kinda crazy to me sometimes.

Day 204

mondays. it seems like a lot of people in fernie have the same routine of getting out of the house and heading to the bank and grocery store. especially on the first of the month when rent is due. that and perhaps the fifty degree weather that plagues a ski town of locals and foreigners itching for thick, deep powder. it was humid today. crazy.

today was indeed investment day both in rent and in one other, long anticipated purchase.

i'd started walking down the sidewalk to make this second investment of the day when, in a sudden prod and decision, i turned around and headed for the edge of the world shop. i went to visit greg and to pick up the tripod he wanted to give me. he was upstairs in the back room next to the jam/stock room and as we talked, i noticed a couple beatles books on a shelf. conversations shifted and i ended up getting a story about when he saw them live in 65 in atlanta. legend.

after an hour since first setting out from the house, i grabbed the one hundred fifty bones i'd budgeted from some birthday money, coffee shop gig, and ibook sale and was back on track for the pawn shop. the accordion. i've done it. i have it. the 120, left hand bass buttons are not arranged in a typical, musical scale, but i've learned some songs already. i think this is the best investments i've made.

now, we've just gotten back from monday movie night at greg's house. we watched a documentary on snowboard legend and pioneer craig kelly called 'let it ride.' the room fell quiet and both snowboard gurus and pre-beginner, southern hemisphere groms watched the story of the man who fell into his fame by doing what he loved to do as hard and best as he knew how to do it and for the only reason that it made him happy.

this made me think. snowboarding will be fun for the winter, but no movie or image or person's adventure can be claimed as another's. each lives their own life. each has to live their own life or it isn't much of a life at all.

there were philosophies and words in the movie that i admired. kelly, who tragically died a few year ago in a massive avalanche not too far from here, shared in some footage that he 'doesn't find himself trying to break away from life as much as he is trying to realize it and grow into who he knows he is.'

the actual words to that quote are better than my memory's version but that idea, the word and philosophy, is admirable and inspiring. actions speak louder than words. i have a lot of words here. words.. but this life and perspective from the past two hundred plus days is worth pursuing and defining for as long as i have.

consistent rebirth. rain and sun. night and day. sin and repentance. live and death.